SHS,
Our dog is not fond of swimming. She will wade in shallow water a tiny bit and then get out. My favorite pastime is throwing things in the pool/lake/whatever so that the dog will fetch it and bring it back out. How can we teach her to become a more confident swimmer?
-Capsizing Canines
Dear Capsizing.
I am going to make an educated guess here, and say that your dog is probably an excellent swimmer. Take that lazy ho to the middle of a lake and plop her in and see what happens. I would bet she swims.
I think the real issue at hand here is that your favorite pastime is throwing things in the "pool/lake/whatever" for your dog to retrieve for you. What the fuck is your problem? What kind of sad life are you leading that your FAVORITE hobby is chucking random ass shit in the water for your dog to drag out? And, since your dog doesn't actually retrieve anything, I can only assume you have made a large contribution to the hole in the ozone by polluting our natural waterways. Your dog is really going to be fucked when the ice caps melt. Nice work.
Your dog is probably trying to do you a favor by not engaging with you in your favorite activity. She probably wants you to scale back the time you spend babbling at her in a high-pitched voice and shaking random buoyant objects in her face before hurtling them into the water with what I can only imagine is a back-straining, vertebrae mis-aligning, discus style toss, then looking expectantly at her. Think about how this looks from your dog's perspective. I would ignore your ass too.
My advice is to try branching out into slightly more social pastimes, like horse grooming or trading Star-Trek pogs or some shit. While you are doing that, your dog and I will be swimming the English Channel.
And THIS asshole is wearing a full wetsuit in a swimming pool.
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